Living with an open heart – with the possibility of failure at any turn – is a painful process. I have just started to listen to Brené Brown’s book “Rising Strong” and have been thinking about all of my past failures. Some of those failures that rise topmost on my mind are relationships. I try to think of “failed” relationships – whether that be intimate relationships or relationships with friends, as learning opportunities. Putting a positive spin on heartache helps me adjust to the pain that inevitably propels me forward.
I use my heart and my gut as a guide to assist me in making decisions that I feel will reflect living a life with integrity and honesty. But sometimes it is difficult to read one’s heart, when one’s heart feels weighted down by cement. Anxiety is the cement that often cripples my heart and causes it to hasten a sometimes inaccurate message to my head.
Clawing away at the cement that tries to suffocate my heart causes torment and wastes energy that could otherwise be better utilized in living a mindful life. But what choice do I have when the cement, that morphs into rock continues to haunt my soul?
It feels like a heart attack. But really it is a trick that my mind plays on me. If a breathe deeply and concentrate on all the love that surrounds me, I am reminded that living truthfully allows my heart to mend. And at times I forget, and the weight of my heart almost splits open my spine – so painful. Agony leads to possibilities. And then I breathe again, open my heart, listen, smell, taste, touch, and I am grounded.